Dear Maverix: To The Boy Who Made Me a Mom

Dear Maverix, 

I never had this huge need to be a mom until i married your father, i knew that this man was my one true love and that he would be a perfect father. I knew that I wanted to grow old with this man and make a family with him.

When I found out i was pregnant with you I was shocked, excited and frankly - terrified. Could we do this? Could we raise a little boy to be a responsible, caring and amazing man? What if I failed you? What if I couldn't be what you needed. Although these worries never fully go away the moment you were born they subsided. You changed my world completely. Those first few weeks of your life I spent getting to know who you were and how to be your mom. You taught me so much and still do everyday. Who knew that you could literally love someone so much it physically hurt. 

The last two years have been the most difficult and amazing years of my life. You have created a happiness inside me that I never knew could exist. Every day you make me smile with your micheavious grins and your hilarious belly laugh. Everyday that passes you change and grow and its scary and exciting all at the same time. Scary because I know you will grow up fast, too fast maybe, and these moments will pass, but exciting because I will get to watch each and every moment of this growth and how you will become this amazing man that I was so worried about raising many years ago. 

I know the past few months have not been easy for you. I am sorry that you can’t always have my full attention and that when you want Maverix and momma time I have to make sure Addy is fed and taken care of first. I am sorry that it seems like I don’t have enough time in the day to spend with you or that your time has to be shared with another. You have had to grow and learn to share your father and I with another little one, but you have done so with honour and grace. The love you have for you sister is breathtaking. The tender moments you show her tells me how much you care not only for her but for others around you. Although you are not yet two I can see how empathic and caring you are and this tells me how gracious of a man you will be come. 

Everyday is a new adventure with you. I never know what to expect when I wake up in the morning. Will you say a new word, or sing a new song. Will you outgrow a favourite toy or want to get yourself dressed today like a big boy. No matter what comes our way or how our lives change you will always be the boy who made me a mom. You taught me what a mother is and how to love unconditionally. You will always be my first born and my little man. We will grow and learn together and I will be with you every step of the way.