First Year as a New Mom
I’ve been trying to write this post for two months now and every time I sit down in front of the computer I become overwhelmed with emotion, bad and good. Over a year ago my husband and I welcomed Maverix James Harriss into our world and its been full steam ahead ever since. I can remember waking up on Friday morning and not even realizing that my water had broken. Kyle got home from work just as I was beginning to clue in. I immediately called the hospital sounding like a lost puppy. I had no clue what to do or what was going to happen. Before heading to the hospital I had a shower and cleaned myself up. I was calm until that point, but there is something about a nice hot shower that always makes my brain start working. So I was no longer calm. What in the world were we doing? Having a baby? An actual human being that was going to rely on us for the rest of their life. Needless to say I was freaking out. Kyle on the other hand had FALLEN ASLEEP while I was in the shower! How was he so calm?
A few hours later we are at the hostipal and I’m hooked up to an iv, and a contraction monitor because they had to induce me. My contractions had not started after my water had broken. As Kyle and I are sitting in our own delivery room waiting for this journey to get going we can hear other women delivering their babies. This is when I first saw the fear in Kyle’s eyes. He was terrified, (he wouldn’t admit it) not only for me but for what was going to happen when we first met Maverix. I will never forget the terror I felt laying in that bed and hearing another women give birth. My stomach dropped and I swear I stopped breathing. The tears immediately welled in my eyes as I began to realize that that would be me in a few hours. Kyle instantly became the hero and made me feel better but holy cannoli, I had never been so scared in my entire life.
After failing to give brith without an epidural I caved to the pain and asked for relief. This was around 2:30 in the morning. After a little snooze once the pain was relieved I was ready to meet Mavs. Almost 24 hours after that freak out in the shower, I was holding our new son and everything I had once worried about was gone. I always heard that theres this moment where you just know what to do and that is so true. This may have also been because I was exhausted and grateful for labour to be over and that Maverix was super calm and not crying. However, I’m going to say it was my motherly incient taking over.
The next few days were definilty not easy by any means but they were wonderful and that has been the same this entire year. There are quite a few days were I thought I couldn’t do it anymore or that I was failing as a mother but I always had Kyle there to tell me how wrong I was. Those moments still come for me as he gets older and I can only imagine how many more I will have as he continues to grow. I am not a perfect mom by anymeans, I make mistakes but I have never loved anyone as much as I love Maverix.
So what have I learned these past 12 months or so? A lot. I’ve learnt that I need to have more patience and that things won’t always work out the way I want them to and that Maverix won’t always find the need to listen to me. I swear I’m the only one that he disobeys. I’ve learnt that almost everything can be solved by a quick google search and if not then maybe it is not as important as you think. I’ve learnt that no matter how hard the day is and how frustrated you get, when you see your little one sleeping peacefully it makes your heart melt and everything goes away. I’ve learnt to not take the little moments for granted. Savor the moments when you’re nursing or giving a bottle and they slowly fall asleep, staring at you like you’re their entire world. I’ve learnt to not worry about laundry or housework. It’ll get done, and then it’ll get messy again and you have to do it all over again. If doing the dishes gets left behind because your son wants you to continuously play hide and seek then who cares. You’ll miss the days when he has grown out of that stage.
Needless to say, I would not change anything about the past year. I have learnt a lot about myself, my relationship with my husband and about our new family. I am so excited for Maverix’s future and whatever that brings with it. As I write this I am currently entering my third trimester in my second pregnancy and I can feel the same feelings I felt with Maverix. I am scared and nervous about the fact that I will have another person that will rely on me for the rest of their life. But I am excited – about our family, about how maverix will teach this little girl to be just as amazing as he is, and about all the memories the four of us will make. Having children is something that you can’t explain. I’ve attempted to here, but no one ever really knows until that moment when you just do.